Tom Kirby Gets Served as GW Petition Reaches 10,000

Remember that news blip that popped up a couple weeks ago regarding a petition started on Change.org’s website?  The one requesting Games Workshop change their business model to a more game balanced focus as opposed to their current one of strictly existing to sell miniatures that just happen to have a game associated with them?  Well it just hit the 10,000 signature level.  In a time where you can’t even get two 40k players to agree on how many detachments they should be allowed to use in a standard game, ten thousand of them took the time to sign a petition letting Games Workshop know they were unhappy with how they were being treated by the company that they love and support.  If you have no idea what I am talking about, you can check out the page here.

So will this change anything?  If you are being honest with yourself than the answer is most likely not.  Games Workshop has long since abandoned their focus on creating a game with a balanced rules set and instead have taken the stance that they are focused on creating miniatures that can be purchased in order to be used for a game that effectively does not have any rules. What rules they do write are written for the sole purpose of selling more models.  Remember how stupid the Helldrake looked when it first came out and no one wanted to buy it?  What happened after GW FAQ’d them to be able to fire their flamer in all directions? Bad for the game, good for the bottom line. They have also taken the stance that they do not require nor listen to customer feedback.  This has been well documented not only in the Chapterhouse lawsuit but also in newsletters from the CEO Tom Kirby to the shareholders.  Some have pointed out that since Games Workshop most likely is not even aware that this petition exists drawing attention of it's existence to the shareholders would have more of a effect on the company.  That might work, if it wasn't for the fact that the current majority shareholders weren't all faceless holding companies, as well as the current accountant turned CEO Tom Kirby. The sad truth is that even if the higher ups at Games Workshop DO know if the petitions existence, it would be met with a shrug of the shoulders and business as usual. 

How can that be the case, though?  Ten THOUSAND players signed a petition asking for Games Workshop, a company beloved by these same petition signers, to please focus on the balance of the game they are creating miniatures for.  How can they just ignore that many customers’ pleas?  The answer is simple.  People will CONTINUE to buy the models they make, no matter how unbalanced and unplayable the game is for the models they create.  If those ten thousand petition signers REALLY wanted to hurt Games Workshop and have them see the error of their ways they would all sign a petition stating they would not buy a singe Games Workshop product for one year.  That includes the author of this article.  I guarantee if ten thousand players decided they have had enough of Games Workshop's apathetic attitude and didn't buy anything for a year Games Workshop would pay attention.  But we wont do that.  Certainly not me.  Cynics will ask why we care?  Games Workshop exists to sell product and increase their dividends for the shareholders.  This is the same for all publicly traded companies.  I believe the reason we care so much is that most of us remember when Games Workshop wasn't the faceless entity it is today.  We remember when they ran events and had a HOBBY magazine called White Dwarf.  We remember when they ran global campaigns and actually seemed to care about the actual rules for their game systems.  We don’t want to believe our hobby is driven by a company only interested in the money we spend on their products.

I applaud the writer of the petition and all those that took the time to sign it.  It makes me happy to see that so many players want the game that they spend countless hours of their life playing and modeling come together and ask for something other than a cool looking model.  We get it, Games Workshop.  You make models and you sell them.  Would it kill you to put even a fraction of your resources towards making the game balanced with rules that make sense?  Also, could you bring back the Fat Bloke?

Love Always.

RD

The Worst Units in 40K #3-1 - The Entire Dark Angels Codex

Well it only took me two blog posts to completely forget about the promise of writing 5 consecutive blog posts to get back into the swing of things.  In my defense 2/5 ain't bad!   Anyways, to catch up on the last 3 Worst Units in 40k I'm just going to throw them all together in the complete Dark Angels codex.  That's what I was getting at anyways.  See there would be this late reveal as the readers would slowly realize that every unit is from that codex and at the end I would have been like, "All the units are terrible, LOL".

It would have been amazing content.

But I'm too fucking lazy to even to that.  So, in the spirit of being able to move on from that stupid idea here you go.  Numbers 3 through 1 of the worst units in 40k.

Look how fucking cool these guys should be! LOOK

The Entire Dark Angels Codex

Why It Stinks

• Generic or over-costed HQ's
• No access to the best thing that has ever happened to Space Marines.  Grav Weapons!
• Deathwing Terminators
• No anti-air units.
• Not the Space Marine Codex
• Deathwing are terrible.
• Ravenwing are ok but why not take White Scars and be BETTER?
• Stupid Land Speeder with the DJ.  
• THAT STUPID LAND SPEEDER PISSES ME OFF SOMETHING FIERCE!!!11!!
• Green and red totally clash.
• Reasons

Weaknesses

• Eldar
• Tau
• Dark Eldar
• Imperial Guard
• Knights
• Tyranids
• Space Wolves
• Space Marines
• Hobbits
• Gandalf the Grey
• Smaug

How to Make it Not Stink

• Go back to making them have awesome plasma weaponry.  Like their plasma weapons don't overheat because reasons and stuff.
• Give them access to the same weapons that generic Space Marines get.
• Don't have the Sammael or Azrael tax to make Ravenwing troop choices.
• Lower the point costs of the Jet Fighter and Dark Talon.
• Give them decent anti-air options.

So here is my beef with the Dark Angels codex.  It's not really about what units actually COME with the codex.  It's more about what is MISSING.  It's that everything they can do the Space Marine codex can do 1000% better.  The Dark Angel codex came out a couple months before the generic Space Marine codex and at first was amazing.  We saw the lower points cost on units such as Predators and Land Speeders and we thought "great job GW asshole!".  Then the Space Marine codex comes out and not only did they get the fancy point reduction but they also got amazing things such as Grav Weapons, Thunderfire Cannons, Storm Talons, Storm Ravens, Chapter Masters, etc.  You get the point.  

Now, there are some ways to play the codex competitively that don't include adding Knight or three and I will be touching on those builds in my next blog post.

Until then,

Keep Rolling Them Dices.

RawDoG

The Worst Units in 40k #4 - Deathwing Failinators

Next up on our journey of shit is the #4 worst unit in 40k.

Please remember that these articles are ONLY the opinion of the author and therefor should ONLY be viewed as the absolute truth.

ENOUGH TALK.  ONTO THE FAIL!

This guy LOOKS so badass.  Too bad you're about to roll a 1

Deathwing Terminators

Why They Stink

• High point cost
• T4
• 1 W
• Can only be taken as troops with an expensive character.
• Are a Terminator

Weaknesses

• Bolters
• Bolt Pistols
• Lascannons
• Melta Guns
• Plasma Guns
• Monstrous Creatures
• Power Fists, Axes, etc
• A squad Eldar

How to Make Them Not Stink

• Give them another wound
• Make them toughness 5
• Allow each of them to take a heavy weapon
• Lower the point cost to 25 or 30

So according the Games Workshop, the most celebrated 1st company of Space Marines in the galaxy warrants a stat line of a basic Space Marine sergeant with a 2+ armor save.  Oh and they need to cost over 50% more than the basic Space Marine sergeant.  The Deathwing suffer the same problems that all Terminators face.  They are extremely over costed for the damage they are able to put out.  Yes Deathwing have some tricks that regular Terminators don't have such as the ability to Deep Strike turn 1 and being twin-linked the turn they arrive.  Does that make them any more viable in the world of intercepting plasma guns and rending Eldar Guardians?  Not really.  The 2+ armor save means nothing when you have to make 10 armor saves since bolters wound you on a 4+.  A basic squad of these shitheads will cost you 220 points.  That's right.  Five T4 1W models with Storm Bolters cost as much as 40 Imperial Guardsmen.  Who do you think will win that shoot out?  Ok, let's give them Storm Shields and Thunder Hammers for the bargain price of 49 points per model.  How many 1's and 2's are you going to roll when you're blasted in the face by the Tau long before you even get close to an assault.  No matter how you slice that shit apple there is no good reason to ever, EVER, take Deathwing Terminators.  EEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Aaghhghg!!!!

Tune in tomorrow evening for the 3rd shittiest unit in 40k!

Cya nut sacks!

The Worst Units in 40k #5 - Dark Angels Nephilim Failfighter

As promised, here is #5 in the top 5 most failtastic units in Warhammer 40k. These units make Mandrakes look the a friggin Riptide.  Please not that these piles of shit are the worst units in MY OPINION ONLY, which means it should be considered official canon in the 40k fluff.

Enough talk,  ON TO THE FAIL!

Nephilim Jetfighter

Why They Stink

• Extremely point expensive
• Too many points
• Point cost prohibitive.
• Only Anti-Air unit in the codex but doesn't really have any anti-air fire power.
• Immobilizing a flier no longer vector locks them.  So much for Unrelenting Hunter.
• They cost too many points.

Weaknesses

• Fliers
• Any S 7 anti-air units (all of them)
• Point Cost

How to Make Them Not Stink

• Lower their point cost
• Give them weapons that will actually damage enemy fliers (more than S6) and flying Monstrous Creatures (more than AP4).

Do you get that I feel they cost too many points?  I didn't want to make it too obvious but I feel I might not have stressed the fact that they COST TOO MANY POINTS.  Ask yourself an honest questions.  When is the last time you saw one of these fielded?  No the 12 year old kid who goes to game night with his dad doesn't count.  I think Frontline Gaming has had the same model in stock since they opened their doors.  The friggin Wood Elves sold faster than that piece of crap.  Yes, it has a twin-linked lascannon.  You know who also has a twin-linked lascannon?  A Vendetta.  They have three, and are armor 12.  They cost the same amount of points.  Which one would you rather have.  They are slightly better against ground targets because of straffing run but their two S6 AP4 Blacksword Missile shots and five S6 4 Avenger Mega Bolter shots ain't going to do too much.  If they were costed closer to the Storm Talon and could switch out their twin-linked Heavy Bolter with another twin-linked lascannon I would be all over that sum bitch like eggs on bacon! 

Tune in tomorrow night as the fail train continues on!

Kimchi's back, ALRIGHT!

Guess who's back, back again?  Guess who's back, tell a friend (just not your mom).

 That's right nerds your favorite 40k hater is back after my annual summer blogging vacation.  I would call it a sabbatical but than I would be lying because I haven't been doing any research to further my 40k education.  Unless you count losing almost every single game of 40k I've played over the past months 40k research.  In my real life I have gotten married, moved to a new place with the new wife, bought larger pants, and have been busily moonlighting as project manager for Frontline Gaming's commission paint service.  That is, of course, on top of my day job as a general manager of a college bookstore.  So the long and short of it is that I've been too busy to write blood pressure raising pissed off 40k articles for you lazy cunts.  But fear not, drunken reader, for I have returned to you like Jesus returned to the Jews on the 8th day and all was well. Is that how that thing goes?  It's been awhile since I've read the bible.

So here is the plan.  I need to get back into the blogging state of mind.  I can only get so much angry inspiration from watching my cat eat constantly and get fatter so I need a way to ease myself back into daily writing.  For the next 5 days I will write a blog post about the 5 worst units in 40k and why you are a terrible person for using them in your army list.  Now I'm not talking about worst as in extremely powerful units that make playing the game of 40k unpleasant for all of those involved (WRAITHKNIGHTS).  These will be units that are so over costed or under performing as to be completely irrelevant in the current 7th edition.

There are actually so many more than 5 units that Games Workshop's incompetence has rendered useless in Warhammer 40k that I will give ya'll a sneak peak into what I'm putting down.

(Warning: Picture makes Land Raiders look more badass than they actually are)

LAND RAIDERS 

Why They Stink

• Over-costed
• Take up a Heavy Support Choice unless taken as a transport of Terminators (which stink)
• Too big to fit in my shoe box army transport.

Weaknesses

• 10 pt. Melta Gun
• 10 pt. Multi Melta
• 15 pt. Grav Gun
• Elar
• Dark Eldar
• Necrons
• Lucky Lascannon hit and punch (AP2)

How to Make Them Not Stink

• Decrease point cost.
• Make dedicated transport for units other than Terminators (which stink)
• Make them come with Ceramite Plating as standard wargear.

Ah the ubiquitous Land Raider.  Never have so many points been spent on so much fail.  If you truly bring Land Raiders in your list and claim that they are murder machines on the table you might want to re-evaluate the caliber of players you game with.  Any tournament player worth their salt will have the tools to take out your 260 point brick by turn 2.  Get a brain, morans!

7th edition FAQ Notable Changes That Matter to Me.

So today Games Workshop released the first FAQ/Erratas for the 7th edition Warhammer 40k codices.  Unsurprisingly, the older codices got the most new love (or hate) and though I was hoping for a 7th edition rulebook Errata it WAS just released so we'll have to wait awhile for the unclear rules to be explained to us.  I'm sure there are a lot of new FAQs and Erratas that I am leaving off of this list but these were the ones that stood out to me as the biggest changes in this round or releases.  Changes in bold and my thoughts on them in italics.

Deathwing Terminator Sergeants can replace their weaponry for a Storm Shield/Thunderhammer or a pair of Lightning Claws.

This is something that has changed a couple times now.  Why Dark Angel players were not able to do this from the beginning was always a bit baffling.  Taking Terminators is still a big mistake in a competitive setting but its nice to see Deathwing thrown a bone.

Helldrakes treat their Baleflamer as a hull mounted weapon and thus gain a 45 degree firing arc.

WOOOOOOAAAAHHHHH NEEEELLYYYY!  This is a big one.  It should have always been this way, in my opinion, and though they get slightly worse with this nerf they are still incredibly effective for their point cost.

Blood Angels lose all of their Codex powers.  Instead are base level 1 Psykers with access to Biomancy, Divination, Daemonology, Telekinesis, and Telepathy.  Librarian Dreadnaughts are level 2 with same access.

This one hits me close to home.  I am a long time Blood Angels player and I really liked the powers that they had in their Codex.  They gain access to Daemonology though, and I really like the idea of spamming Daemons from Psychic Dreadnaughts.  BECAUSE GW.

Grey Knights with the Aegis rule now re-roll 1’s when making a Deny the Witch role.

This had to change due to psychic powers no longer being a leadership test.  It does give Grey Knights a really good chance at Denying that Witch, so I'm fairly happy with it.  Still does not help with trying to deny buffing powers.  Sad face.

Grey Knights lose their codex psychic powers and instead must take powers from the Daemonology (Sanctic), Divination, Pyromancy, Telekinesis, and Telepathy disciplines.  Psychic vehicles lose Fortitude but gain Sanctuary and Banishment psychic powers from Daemonology (Sanctic). 

 I don't think I've ever taken the book powers and I like the idea of Grey Knight Razorbacks reducing Daemon invulnerable saves as well as buffing nearby unit's invulnerable saves. Remember that Banishment is cumulative (wink).

Brotherhood Banner no longer automatically lets you pass your psychic check for activating Force Weapons.

Meh, but it does make you drain at least 2 power dice to get it off.

Space Wolves lost their Codex psychic powers.  Instead they generate their psychic powers from the Biomancy, Daemonology, Divination, and Telekinesis psychic disciplines. 

Tyranids give me a YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!  Sorry pups I do feel your pain at losing that over powered psychic power.  Let me play the world's smallest violin.

Runic weapons now only add a +1 to Deny the Witch roles. 

Well that answers that question.  It was too good in it's original form so I don't mind the change too much.  

So I think a lot of good changes have been made and cleans the game up while we wait for the older codices to be updated.  I was hoping for some answers regarding wargear items that cause the reroll of failed psychic powers and the Tyranid Shadows of the Warp, but alas it was not to be.  So what do you think of the changes?

To: Games Workshop Re: 7th edition

Dear Games Workshop,

My name is Rawdogger and I'm writing to you today to let you know that I'm sick of your shit.  All we wanted was updated 6th edition rule set.  A tightening up of the rules and perhaps a couple changes to the ally matrix to stop some of the more abuse-able unit combinations.  Was that too much to ask for? Would it have been so hard to take a few minutes, read some 40k forums (you know, the places on the internet where thousands of fans talk about what's working and not working) and make the minor adjustments needed to create a more balanced and concise rule set?  I guess it was, because according to the leaks of the upcoming White Dwarf you've completely LOST YOUR SHIT.  Not only are we NOT getting a minor tweak of the rules to bring everything together after a 6 month long orgy of hastily released Codex supplements and army releases but what we are getting is a new edition that, for all intents and purposes, is being created for the SOLE purpose of padding your bottom line.  *GOLF CLAP*  Thanks for nothing, assholes.  I love 40k.  It's been my favorite table top war game since I was 14 years old.  I've put up with a lot since you've become a publicly traded company. From the ever present 'Codex Creep' wherein the newest releases brought imbalance to the game, forcing players to either adopt the new army to stay competitive to the unnecessary and exorbitant yearly price increases.  But I've kept playing, and buying,Warhammer 40K through the good times and the bad.

The rumors, if they can be called that at this time, have left me completely deflated.  Your blatant 'Fuck Balance, buy Models' (tm) approach to the upcoming 7th edition is disgusting.  At this point you might as well change your logo to Game$ Work$hop.  It's really disgusting.  I'm actually amazed you didn't figure out earlier that the only reason you weren't selling enough Broadsides or Leman Russ Tanks was because of your own pesky Force Organization rules.  You know, the rule that the original game writers put in the game to avoid people taking too many units that were meant to be powerful, yet rare?  Yeah, those rules.  The only limit is my collection?  FUCK YOU.  Oh you are unveiling a new psychic discipline where psychers can summon Daemons?  THANKS!  I guess those models weren't selling very well, were they boys? The poor sales couldn't be due to an unbalanced game written by an apathetic model company, could it?

 I know I'll get a lot of flack for 'reacting' before the new edition has even been released.  You know what?  The writings on the fucking wall.  And if you can look me in the eye and tell me that this release isn't anything other than a money grab to make their abysmal year look better to the shareholders you are delusional.  Yes there are people who are rejoicing over the fact that they can now have their Grey Knights summon Daemons, but I'm not one of them.  And I can tell you now that there are a LOT of people like me who are seriously looking at other games.  Something a year ago I wouldn't have even thought about. I REALLY don't want to stop playing 40k.  But I REALLY want Games Workshop to at least PRETEND to give a shit about the players who want a tight, balanced rule set.  You get that, right?  Am I rambling?  I feel like I'm rambling.  I love you Games Workshop.  Please don't make me leave you.

Your biggest fan,

Rawdogger

Warhammer 40k 7th Edition Inbound and Down!

In the past few days we've received mostly reliable information pointing towards a late May release date for a new Warhammer 40k edition.  I'll be the first to admit that a change was desperately needed.  GW really shot themselves in the foot with the 6th edition.  The ally system, while genius from an accounting point of view, has been terrible for actual game play.  The creators of the 6th edition either didn't play test the possible combinations that inevitably sprung up or didn't give a shit and only saw a way to sell models from different factions to players loyal to individual armies.  Its amazing how quickly tournament gamers were able to find and exploit the broken army combinations when GW could have just released a beta version of the rule set and saved themselves the expense of making a new edition a year and a half after releasing the 6th edition.  Who knew accountants and marketing teams could fuck up a complicated table top rule set so completely?  Further mucking up the 6th edition of Warhammer 40k is Games Workshop's insistence on retconning the shit out of their existing universe.  If a new player were to walk in to their Fat Local Game Store and pick up the 6th edition rule book and then looked on the shelved products they would wonder if they had fallen down the rabbit hole with Alice. What is an Astra Militarum?  WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MARBO GODDAMMIT!11!!

So now that we know a new and hopefully playable 40K edition will be here shortly, what kinds of things can GW do to bring some order back to game and stop forging a narrative all over our faces and chests?

• Do away with battle brothers.  This will most likely get a lot of flack from people who play Tau or Eldar, or rely on Inquisitors with silly tricks to bypass core rules.  The ally system was created by GW to sell more models.  They didn't play test it or move on from the preliminary idea that they would sell more models.  Get over it and you will live a much happier life.
• Let units assault out of transports.  If GW wants to sell models stop making (non-Necron) transports so useless.  Why can't models assault out of a transport if the vehicle didn't move that turn?  TELL ME WHY YOU COCKS.
• Change the cover rules for Monstrous Creatures.  We've all been there.  You score 3 or more wounds on a Wraithknight with Lascannons.  You triumphantly take a lap around the table, praising your chosen god for blessing you with such a bountiful gift.  Then Reece Robbins says 'not so fast!'  He has a toe in a crater, so he gets an obscured save.  He then rolls two 5's and a 6.  You quit playing 40k forever.
• Remove random charge distance.  I don't care what you say, it's not forging a narrative when your dedicated assault unit or Daemon Prince fails a 4" charge. That's stupid and it sucks ass when it happens.  Perhaps letting units either choose to make a regular charge or roll 2D6 on the chance they will be able to charge at a longer range?  HUH?
• Bring back owning player wound allocation.  Yes, this was abused in the 5th edition by Nobs and Nob Gobblers alike.  The nearest model takes the first wound has lead to much more abuse such as characters tanking wounds and makes a difficult assault edition even worse.  It also dramatically slows down the game with players taking more time making sure certain models are behind others and rolling dice one at a time while tanking wounds.
• Not let their marketing department write the rulebook.  Look, we all know that GW is a model company that just happens to have rules for the models they produce.  It's how they themselves feel about their company, and it's been well documented.  Its a fact since they became a publicly traded company GW has one person to answer to.  It's not the fans and it's not the customers- it's the shareholders.  What Warhammer 40k needs right not is not a new way to have the players buy slow moving product (i.e. Super Heavies in standard games) or to have them need to purchase large amounts of new product they already own (i.e Super Heavies in standard games).

What Games Workshop needs to really do is sit down and think about the longevity of their company. Every time a new edition is unveiled there is the normal doom and gloom with people leaving the hobby for greener pastures.  This is the first time that I have actually been scared that the majority of my friends would all leave.  The Warmachine nights are far more populated than 40k nights at my Fat Local Game Store, and there are now reports that Warmahorde players are outnumbering 40k players at major tournaments on the west coast.  I really think all need to put our collective hopes together and mentally FORCE Games Workshop from fucking their shit up for a 7th time in a row.

  

Not This Week in 40K

Hello all,

So after 6 weeks of turd pictures, swears, and more man on man prison rape jokes than you can shake a stick at I've come to the conclusion that there just isn't enough 40K material that I am interested in to write an article on the subject every week.  So instead of a weekly update on 40k I will be doing a monthly update on 40k.  I figure I can get at least 500 words for an article if I wait a whole month, right?  If not I'll just pad it with turd jokes, swears, and man on man prison rape jokes.

So while you all wait on baited breath for the end of the month, I'll satisfy your ravenous loins with a post about the upcoming Broadside Bash tournament in San Diego at the end of the month and the list that I will be taking.  The Broadside Bash, for the uninitiated, is a 2000 point tournament held every year at Kingdom Con in San Diego.  You can visit their website here.  The Broadside Bash uses custom missions which vary from year to year.  This year, unfortunately, they decided to go with majority Kill Point missions which encourage the use of the dreaded deathstar lists that are all the hotness at the moment.  They have also made the decision not to allow Super Heavies of any type, though I personally do not think that any of the current Super Heavies have what it takes to take out the Beast Star, Seer Council, or any of the other 'Stars' that we are seeing in the competitive meta (barring the Revenant Titan of course). The only thing that will keep this tournament from going full derp is the inclusion of the limited detachment rules that Reece and Frontline Gaming have implemented in their BAO formatted events (i.e only 2 total detachments may be taken in any list).  The Bash also allows Forgeworld 40k approved units, but limits abuse by not allowing players to take multiples of the same unit.

For the event I've decided to break out my Grey Knights with Imperial Guard allies.  I think the list has everything needed to compete with the lists most likely to be seen and, most importantly, is mostly painted.  Here's the list.

Grandmaster with Psycannon, Halberd, 3x Servo Skulls and Rad Grenades
Coteaz

6x Paladins with 2x Psycannons and the Brotherhood Banner

Strike Squad with Psycannon, 2x Halberds in a Razorback with Psybolt Ammo
Strike Squad with Psycannon, 2x Halberds in a Razorback with Psybolt Ammo

Land Raider Crusader with Multi Melta and Psybolt Ammo

Aegis Defense Line with Quad Gun

Company Command Squad with Lascannon and Vox
Platoon Command Squad with Autocannon and Vox

Infantry Squad with Autocannon, Flamer, and Melta Bomb 
Infantry Squad with Autocannon, Flamer, and Melta Bomb
Infantry Squad with Autocannon, Flamer, Melta Bomb and Vox
Commisar with Power Sword

Manticore

2000 points

I had to physically restrain myself from taking Psychotroke Grenades on the Grandmaster.  That was just a bit *too* good and combining that with the Rad Grenades made me feel dirty inside.  So, what do you think?  How can I make this list better?  Does it have what it takes to compete with 4 Riptide Buffmander lists, etc?

This Week in 40k: April Week 1

Howdy dudes!  Your favorite phat guy Rawdogger here again with another ‘This Week in 40k‘.  This week we saw the beginning of the pre-orders for the Astra Militarum, whatever the fuck that is, as well as the biggest 40k tournament this side of the Western Hemisphere, Adepticon.  I’ll give you a hint, Orks didn’t win.  LET’S HIT THIS SHIT!

Astra Militarum Pre-Release Dance Party is a Go!

LOL remember that time that Games Workshop completely changed the name of an iconic race in their super popular space wars game just so that other people couldn't use that iconic generic name for similar products?  That wasn’t a dream?  Is this real life?  Yes, unfortunately it’s not a joke that Games Workshop changed the name of Imperial Guard to Astra Militarum.  Does that mean Star Army?  I don’t know my Latin is pretty rusty.  Games Workshop is like a moody teenager sometimes.  First they give us Dino Bots ™ for the Chaos Space Marine codex to appeal to 12 year olds, then they change the name of the Imperial Guard to Astra Militarum to appeal to scientists and doctors.  Regardless of the name change, there are some other notable changes coming to the codex, if the rumors prove to be accurate.  Everyone’s favorite Rambo knock off is apparently gone from the codex.  He must have been too over powered.  But don’t lament, I’m sure we’ll be seeing Dataslate: Marco (digital only) pretty soon.  Only $15.99!  That’s pretty good!  Also it looks like there’s a new IG tank kit, the Hydra/Wyvern.  The Wyvern’s stats look pretty good.  2 twin linked blasts at strength 4 that ignore cover and have the shred special rule?  I’ll take 3!  The only downside is that they can’t fit under the Skyshield Landing Pad.  The Hydra became open topped, which kind of sucks, but they most likely got a point reduction.  Other things that are cool include order cards, Vendetta point increases (don’t you fucking kid yourself), and new Lord Commissar with Arabian sword and dancing pose.  Things that aren’t so cool include retarded Orgryn and Taurox models and keeping those shitty Space Marine sized plastic Cadian models.

Models missing from Games Workshop website.  Helldrakes unfortunately still available.

This past week we saw many popular models go missing from the Games Workshop website.  Models such as Inquisitor Coteaz and Chaos Obliterators come to mind  for me.  Conspiracy theories are quickly springing up, with some saying that since the missing models are all Fail Cost ™ that GW is moving these models to a new type of plastic and others saying that the missing models have something to do with the rumored website change happening on May 7th.  Shit is serious enough for Larry Vela from BOLS to write a loosely veiled Faeit212 bitch slap about the ridiculousness of conspiracy theorizing about the changes to GW’s website.  Whatever the hell is really going on over in La La Land (Nottingham) all we know is that very popular models from all ranges are missing and have not reappeared for several days.

NEWSFLASH! Adepticon 40k Tournament Champion Brings Cheesy List

In case you were wondering, Nick Nanavanowitz won the Adepticon 40k Championship for the second year in a row.  He one by bring a very balanced Chaos Daemon list with a couple of each unit and a Slaneesh Greater Daemon.  Just kidding, he brought a Fateweaver Flying Circus army backed up by a minimal Chaos Space Marine allied detachment with a Helldrake.  What, you didn't expect a seasoned 40k tournament vet to bring a list that would challenge him, would you?  KNAVE!  With a field of shitty Taudar, Eldtau, Dark Eltau, FKHahasjh, Jskhak, type lists flooding the Adepticon Championship I don’t blame the guy for taking a list that can hang.  It doesn’t really impress me though.  It’s like watching a small man getting raped in prison by a bigger man.  Yeah it’s fun to look at and talk about but the outcome is far from surprising.  Yes, I AM happy with that analogy.

See you next week, haters!

This Week in 40K - March Week 4

Hey ya’ll! 

Welcome to another Rumor Roundup 40k Week in Review! 

I’m your host for the evening, Rawdogger.  Hold on to your assholes, cuz this week has been 40-kray kray.

Codex: Storm Troopers Militarum Tempestus released. 

Is it a bird?  Is it a plane?  No, it’s a $50 codex with 5 pages of rules (approximate estimation).  Don’t get me wrong, the new Storm Troopers Scions look really great.  So much so, that I will be buying a couple boxes to use as Inquisitional Henchmen.  The fact that you get 5 models for $35 is a pretty sweet deal in Games Workshop land.  They even give you the option of ONE whole special weapon! Does sarcasm work in print?  No?  We’ll fuck you, shit-head! (that wasn't sarcastic). The fact that you can have Commissars leading the Storm Troopers Scions is also pretty fucking radical.  I love me my Commissars and the models have always been some of my favorites in the game.  I think we can all agree that the Tard-Ox vehicle looks stupid.  Right?  Do I really have to go into a tirade about how shitty that thing looks?  Somehow the prime looks even shittier.  The codex is a codex in the sense that the Imperial Knight book is a codex. Codex.  That was the name of Felicia Day’s character on The Guild. God she’s hot. Mmmmmmm. Where was I?  Oh yeah.  So the Militarum Tempestus can be used as a stand alone army or as an ally to (most likely) other Imperial Forces.  I actually think that is pretty cool, but once again GW has gone to far with a good thing and made a $50 monstrosity that could have easily been a thinned down supplemental codex that could retail for $25.  I guaran-fucking-tee that they would still have a monster margin on something like that.  They would most likely sell more, too, as more people would be able to stomach that price point for a hardcover book that details 3 units.  I had more to say on this subject but just thinking of Felicia Day has me all hot and bothered.  I’ll be in my bunk.

40k Alter of War mission compendium released. 

Hey friend, did you happen to collect all the new digital data slates, codices, and supplements?  You didn’t?  Well have I got good news for you!  Games Workshop took all the missions from those digital releases and PRINTED them for your convenience!  Only for the low, low price of $49.95!  Don’t say Games Workshop never did anything nice for you!  WOW!  Man, GW be double dippin an’ shit.  Look, I get that the Carl Tuttles of the world will be more than happy to drive this narrative right through the fucking house.  How about they work on a useable rule-set for competitive 40k instead of repackaging rules for narrative forging missions that no one cares about?  Can a brother get an AMEN??

Tyranid Rising Leviathan Part Trois!

So the third and final installment of the Leviathan Tyranid formations was released this week.  I’ll say one thing about it, Games Workshop must REALLY need to sell Tyranid Warriors.  Who knew that T4 multiwound models was bad thing?  The writers of the codex, apparently.  There are a couple good-ish ones in this last formation installment.  I’m kind of partial to the Subterranean Swarm, but the point cost of the formation is fairly steep.  It's nice to see Games Workshop try to fix the Tyranids after the fact, but it just feels that the formations they're creating are only being made to sell the slow selling models.  NO SHIT.

This Week in 40k - March Week 3

Oh hai there!  I'm your host, Rawdogger, and this is my 40k Week in Review.

A bit of a quiet week, all snark concerned, but like a fly drawn to cat poop I'm always able to sniff out the fresh squeeze.  As usual, most information un-apologetically stolen from such sites as Faeit212 and BOLS.  No information was found Stelek's blog, if that is still a thing.  On to the news!

Limited Edition Void Shield Generator and Crater Sets Released.   Chinese recasters say ‘that’s a lotta Dim Sum!’  

Cool pic stolen from Warhammer 39,999

If you don’t get that joke in the headline, don’t worry, because neither do I.  Games Workshop released an extremely limited, extremely over costed Void Shield Generator model this past week, which sold out in about 10 minutes.  I’m assuming Carl over at The Independent Characters snagged 10 and probably pre-ordered the digital Void Shield Generator Data Slate.  While there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth in the hobby community, most fail to see the genius move this was for Games Workshop.  Think about it. The molds for the kits they made were resin, which is considerably cheaper to produce than plastic molds.  Secondly, by making it a limited edition model, they were more than guaranteed to sell out of the run they produced.  Last, the vast majority of those sales were direct to customer which means their margins were significantly higher than if they sold the models through your FLGS (Fat Local Game Store).  They now have a mold of a model that they KNOW will sell.  I think we will be seeing much more of these ‘limited’ releases in order to gauge customer responses from Games Workshop in the future.

Dataslate: Hellbrute released, reminding the 40k community that Hellbrutes aren't very good.

This weekend Games Workshop released it’s latest Chaos Space Marine digital supplement, Dataslate: Hellbrute.   I actually bought this one, and with formation names such as ‘Mayhem Pack’, ‘Helcult’, and ‘Helfist Murderpack’ how could any 12 year old do without 5 of these motherfuckers?  That is the whole point of these formations, isn't it?  To sell more models?  Kudos to Games Workshop for trying to put lipstick on a turd but at the end of the day we are talking about a slow 100-130 point AV 12 walker with 3 hull points.  Bringing more of them isn’t the answer and  no amount of fucking kick ass radical sounding formations will make the 6th edition issues with walkers any better.



So that's it folks.  A new Tyranid Dataslate is being released but hasn't hit yet, so no sarcastic feelings about that.....yet.  I was also able to get a couple of poop jokes in there as well, so that's cool.

Until next week.  Keep watching the skies!

This Week in 40k - March Week 2

Hey You’ll!  Welcome to another installment of This Week in 40k.  I’m your host Rawdogger, aka Phat J Sleeze, aka Clownbaby ROK, aka fuck internet handles.  It’s been a busy week, and in a way I feel that Games Workshop has really taken it upon themselves to give me A LOT of material to snark upon.  Let’s get started, shall we?

(As usual, most information shamelessly and un-apologetically stolen from various sites, mostly Faeit blog.  Go check it out if you haven’t gotten your daily war gaming masturbation sesh in.  I’m already good.) 

Codex: Weird Looking Miniatures is a go!

This week we saw the leaked images of the upcoming Imperial Guard release, the Astra Militarum and mysterious supplemental codex Militarum Tempestus.  We got a glimpse of not only the stupid looking short bus tracked thing but also got to see some of it’s riders, the new plastic Ogryn.  Some of the worst models ever produced AND a $50 dollar codex?  Sign me up!  Why is Games Workshop changing the fundamental canon of the 40k universe by renaming factions and adding retarded looking models?  FUCK YOU,  that’s why!   GDUB DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YO FAAAACE!

Dataslate for Hellbrutes confirmed.  Next up, Dataslate: Chaos Cultist

I can only hope that Games Workshop takes these micro transactions further.  Just fucking go all out with it already, GW.  Stop this pussy footing around.  Let’s have a $50 Codex, followed by a $20 Dataslate for each unit (digital only, of course) and all of this following the release of the models so we can purchase them before knowing if you actually play tested the rules (you didn't).  Oh yeah, Hellbrutes still suck even if you can take a formation of them.  Games Workshop, bringing you what’s next!

New Games Workshop Web Store to Include Forgeworld.  One click Horus Heresy army?  

FUCK.YES.

I don’t know about you but my life is about to get a lot easier.  Just like any old chap, I would find myself spending hours upon hours of time selecting individual units from the Forgeworld web store in order to fill my shopping cart just to purchase the models needed to create my Horus Heresy army.  If the rumors are true I won’t have to waste my valuable time doing this anymore, as Games Workshop is set to start selling Forgeworld models on their new web store.   We know how they saved countless hours of pointless clicking with their One Click Army Deals (trademarked) and we can fully expect the same with the Forgeworld models.  It’s especially helpful for people who like to masturbate while looking at Forgeworld models.

New Apocalypse Warzone Book Released.  What the hell is Warzone Apocalypse?

Stolen from Fresh Coast Gaming

This week Games Workshop unveiled another series of books for a supplemental offshoot of the game that no one plays.  Seriously, how many of you have gotten all excited to play a 40k Apocalypse game and then 2 hours into the first round of shooting you seriously regretted your life choices.  Sucks to be you if your entire army got D slapped off the board during the first turn and your buddy drove you to the store.  Fuck you Games Workshop.  Instead of having your design team work on a playable Chaos Space Marine Codex we get another set of books that no one wants for a game that no one plays.  Except Carl Tuttle.



Once again, while there was a lot more going on with 40k this week, these are just some of the things that interested me.  Also, in case you didn't notice, there were two masturbation jokes in this weeks article.  

YOU’RE WELCOME.

This week in 40k - March Week 1

Here is the next installment of This Week in 40k.  As usual, all information shamelessly stolen from other sources, mainly Faeit 212.  Go look at this site, it's pretty.

New Hellbrute kit and Crimson Slaughter codex supplement come out, sales in Helldrakes soar.

So remember that time that Games Workshop created an entire codex supplement to sell one model?  You don’t?  Shut the fuck up, I’m talking!  Next weekend we see the release of the Chaos Space Marine supplemental codex, ‘Crimson Slaughter’.  Despite having a totally badical name it has already been confirmed that the supplement will have around 2 pages of actual rules.  However, I choose to look on the bright side.  Chaos Space Marine players will finally get access to one of the best units in 6^th edition, Dreadnoughts!

Size does matter.  Knight and Dreamforge Leviathan size comparisons.

stolen from Pinsofwar

Don’t listen to what your girlfriend says, smaller is not better.  Having seen the size comparison between the Dream Forge Leviathan and the Imperial Knight, I can definitely say that the while the Leviathan is the Jon Hamm of the 40k universe, the Imperial Knight is more of the Reece Robbins.  In all fairness the Leviathan was created to rival the Warhound, but Dreamforge certainly owes Games Workshop a kiss below the belt.

Another one bites the dust!  Memphis Battle Bunker converts to one man store.

Games Workshop continues its march towards the cliff by converting another Battle Bunker into a time tested one man shop.  According the last man standing at GW Mephis, James, this ain’t such a bad thang!  (Via their Facebook page)
Ok folks. I have some news about The World of Battle. Things are changing here at the shop and on March 26th the store is going to make the transition into a one man store. This means that the gaming hall will also be closed off. This is not a bad thing, or the end of the World of Battle. The store will still be here for you to get your favorite Games Workshop miniatures, it will have tables covered with fantastic terrain for you to play on and it will still offer fantastic customer service. Until we make the transition all the events that we have on the schedule will still happen! I know this may be taken as bad news, but it is not! The store is, and will continue to be here, and the same fun, helpful atmosphere will remain! – James

Indeed, James.  Indeed.

Tyranids get new Digital Dataslate.  Tyranid players finally shut the fuck up.

Last week Tyranids got a digital only dataslate that made them better than they were previously.  There, you assholes happy?  I MENTIONED it.


See ya'll next week for another round of things that interested my in 40k!!!11!!

40k Week in Review

Hey ya'll (I'm talking like that now, get over it)

 Here is the first 40k Week in Review posts that I hope to get out every Friday from here on out.  I need something consistent to get me writing again, so I figured this would be an easy way to at least get one post in a week.  These posts will basically be a recap of everything that I find interesting that has happened in the 40k hobby throughout the week.  So, without further adieu (I actually spelled that right the first time) here are the things that I found interesting this week!

Games Workshop slaps the face of the 40k community with a giant D, community says 'that's just fine'

This week we saw the release of the Imperial Knights for 40k.  With the 40k community reluctant to allow Lords of War dirty D's into regular games a la Escalation, Games Workshop says 'fuck the lemons' and makes the super heavy walkers a regular Codex.  I'm personally ok with the Knights being used in regular games of 40k since I don't think they are that hard to take out or their ranged weapons are too scary, but allowing their use makes it OK to use silly things like Revenant Titans in the game and I'm certainly NOT ok with that.

If a Rankings HQ shuts down it's doors in the forest does it make a sound?

As most of you didn't hear, Rankings HQ has shut down it's doors for good.  If you don't remember what was good about Rankings HQ, don't worry neither do I.  Here is the official statement from the owner,

RANKINGS HQ IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.

Rankings HQ is shutting down!

It is with some regret that I am announcing the Rankings HQ miniature gaming rankings web site is shutting down.

As you know I made a public announcement recently that unless adequate funds could be raised I would be winding it up and despite some willing supporters out there at the end of the day not enough users were willing to part with $10 to keep the site going.

Thanks to those that supported!

Thanks!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank those of you that decided to support RHQ with a donation.  I appreciate it.

As promised in my previous email all money will be refunded since I am shutting the site down.

I wish everyone the best in their gaming pursuits as I look forward to taking a break from running rankings,
tournaments and masters events after 15 years!  It has been a rewarding experience as well as a hard slog.

Regards,

Andrew Galea

My friend Tasty Taste has a much more detailed write up on his blog, Blood of Kittens, which you can read here.

Legion of the Damned get a Digital Codex for some reason!

Everyone's favorite 25 point Space Marines are getting their own codex, ya'll!  Now you can field an entire army of 3+ invulnerable save, cover ignoring bolter firing, DEEP STRIKING MOTHER FUCKERS!  Still no cure for being toughness 4 with one wound.  More info, here.

Torrent of Fire Invitational Tournament forgets to invite most important 40k Player, ME.

The Torrent of Fire Invitational Tournament is this weekend, and if you haven't heard about it than you really aren't that important (apparently).  Torrent of Fire, the NEW Rankings HQ, has created a tournament in which the best and most handsome 40k players are invited to a winner takes all 5 round single elimination tournament.  There are brackets that can be voted on and it really has the feel of a college sports type tournament thing.  There is even a cash prize, which is less than the cost to fly to DC but who cares?  If you would like more information on why you have the smallest penis in the 40k tournament scene, check out more info here.


Until next time.

Excelsior!

Raw Dogger, aka Clown Baby, aka Phat J Sleeze

Happy Valentines Day, Nerds!

Self Portrait of Raw Dogger

Oh, you think I died did you?  No, sadly that is not the case.  Between my real job, getting ready for my wedding in June, a stupid cat, and explosive diarrhea I have also started a second job as manager for Frontline Gaming's paint studio.  Haven't heard of it?  Check it out, here, if you have a couple minutes to spare or you are at work.

Anyways, I'll have a full write up about the Las Vegas Open tournament that I attended last weekend coming soon.  I'll give you a sneak preview.  I didn't win.

So go enjoy your Valentines Day, or for many of you, a lonely day full of tears, masturbation, and shame.


Raw Dogg Er