The Worst Units in 40k #4 - Deathwing Failinators

Next up on our journey of shit is the #4 worst unit in 40k.

Please remember that these articles are ONLY the opinion of the author and therefor should ONLY be viewed as the absolute truth.

ENOUGH TALK.  ONTO THE FAIL!

This guy LOOKS so badass.  Too bad you're about to roll a 1

Deathwing Terminators

Why They Stink

• High point cost
• T4
• 1 W
• Can only be taken as troops with an expensive character.
• Are a Terminator

Weaknesses

• Bolters
• Bolt Pistols
• Lascannons
• Melta Guns
• Plasma Guns
• Monstrous Creatures
• Power Fists, Axes, etc
• A squad Eldar

How to Make Them Not Stink

• Give them another wound
• Make them toughness 5
• Allow each of them to take a heavy weapon
• Lower the point cost to 25 or 30

So according the Games Workshop, the most celebrated 1st company of Space Marines in the galaxy warrants a stat line of a basic Space Marine sergeant with a 2+ armor save.  Oh and they need to cost over 50% more than the basic Space Marine sergeant.  The Deathwing suffer the same problems that all Terminators face.  They are extremely over costed for the damage they are able to put out.  Yes Deathwing have some tricks that regular Terminators don't have such as the ability to Deep Strike turn 1 and being twin-linked the turn they arrive.  Does that make them any more viable in the world of intercepting plasma guns and rending Eldar Guardians?  Not really.  The 2+ armor save means nothing when you have to make 10 armor saves since bolters wound you on a 4+.  A basic squad of these shitheads will cost you 220 points.  That's right.  Five T4 1W models with Storm Bolters cost as much as 40 Imperial Guardsmen.  Who do you think will win that shoot out?  Ok, let's give them Storm Shields and Thunder Hammers for the bargain price of 49 points per model.  How many 1's and 2's are you going to roll when you're blasted in the face by the Tau long before you even get close to an assault.  No matter how you slice that shit apple there is no good reason to ever, EVER, take Deathwing Terminators.  EEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Aaghhghg!!!!

Tune in tomorrow evening for the 3rd shittiest unit in 40k!

Cya nut sacks!

The Worst Units in 40k #5 - Dark Angels Nephilim Failfighter

As promised, here is #5 in the top 5 most failtastic units in Warhammer 40k. These units make Mandrakes look the a friggin Riptide.  Please not that these piles of shit are the worst units in MY OPINION ONLY, which means it should be considered official canon in the 40k fluff.

Enough talk,  ON TO THE FAIL!

Nephilim Jetfighter

Why They Stink

• Extremely point expensive
• Too many points
• Point cost prohibitive.
• Only Anti-Air unit in the codex but doesn't really have any anti-air fire power.
• Immobilizing a flier no longer vector locks them.  So much for Unrelenting Hunter.
• They cost too many points.

Weaknesses

• Fliers
• Any S 7 anti-air units (all of them)
• Point Cost

How to Make Them Not Stink

• Lower their point cost
• Give them weapons that will actually damage enemy fliers (more than S6) and flying Monstrous Creatures (more than AP4).

Do you get that I feel they cost too many points?  I didn't want to make it too obvious but I feel I might not have stressed the fact that they COST TOO MANY POINTS.  Ask yourself an honest questions.  When is the last time you saw one of these fielded?  No the 12 year old kid who goes to game night with his dad doesn't count.  I think Frontline Gaming has had the same model in stock since they opened their doors.  The friggin Wood Elves sold faster than that piece of crap.  Yes, it has a twin-linked lascannon.  You know who also has a twin-linked lascannon?  A Vendetta.  They have three, and are armor 12.  They cost the same amount of points.  Which one would you rather have.  They are slightly better against ground targets because of straffing run but their two S6 AP4 Blacksword Missile shots and five S6 4 Avenger Mega Bolter shots ain't going to do too much.  If they were costed closer to the Storm Talon and could switch out their twin-linked Heavy Bolter with another twin-linked lascannon I would be all over that sum bitch like eggs on bacon! 

Tune in tomorrow night as the fail train continues on!

Kimchi's back, ALRIGHT!

Guess who's back, back again?  Guess who's back, tell a friend (just not your mom).

 That's right nerds your favorite 40k hater is back after my annual summer blogging vacation.  I would call it a sabbatical but than I would be lying because I haven't been doing any research to further my 40k education.  Unless you count losing almost every single game of 40k I've played over the past months 40k research.  In my real life I have gotten married, moved to a new place with the new wife, bought larger pants, and have been busily moonlighting as project manager for Frontline Gaming's commission paint service.  That is, of course, on top of my day job as a general manager of a college bookstore.  So the long and short of it is that I've been too busy to write blood pressure raising pissed off 40k articles for you lazy cunts.  But fear not, drunken reader, for I have returned to you like Jesus returned to the Jews on the 8th day and all was well. Is that how that thing goes?  It's been awhile since I've read the bible.

So here is the plan.  I need to get back into the blogging state of mind.  I can only get so much angry inspiration from watching my cat eat constantly and get fatter so I need a way to ease myself back into daily writing.  For the next 5 days I will write a blog post about the 5 worst units in 40k and why you are a terrible person for using them in your army list.  Now I'm not talking about worst as in extremely powerful units that make playing the game of 40k unpleasant for all of those involved (WRAITHKNIGHTS).  These will be units that are so over costed or under performing as to be completely irrelevant in the current 7th edition.

There are actually so many more than 5 units that Games Workshop's incompetence has rendered useless in Warhammer 40k that I will give ya'll a sneak peak into what I'm putting down.

(Warning: Picture makes Land Raiders look more badass than they actually are)

LAND RAIDERS 

Why They Stink

• Over-costed
• Take up a Heavy Support Choice unless taken as a transport of Terminators (which stink)
• Too big to fit in my shoe box army transport.

Weaknesses

• 10 pt. Melta Gun
• 10 pt. Multi Melta
• 15 pt. Grav Gun
• Elar
• Dark Eldar
• Necrons
• Lucky Lascannon hit and punch (AP2)

How to Make Them Not Stink

• Decrease point cost.
• Make dedicated transport for units other than Terminators (which stink)
• Make them come with Ceramite Plating as standard wargear.

Ah the ubiquitous Land Raider.  Never have so many points been spent on so much fail.  If you truly bring Land Raiders in your list and claim that they are murder machines on the table you might want to re-evaluate the caliber of players you game with.  Any tournament player worth their salt will have the tools to take out your 260 point brick by turn 2.  Get a brain, morans!