Your Screamer Star is bad and you should feel bad

If you are even remotely interested in competitive 40k then you are already familiar with the new hotness, the Screamer Star.  The Screamer Star, much like Riptide Spam or the 5th edition IG Blowjobber, takes advantage of over powered and under costed units to take advantage of weaknesses in the overall  structure of the game.  They also tend to take advantage of rules loopholes that Games Workshop either doesn’t realize exist or don’t care enough to change. For those of you unaware of how the Screamer Star works (and to a lesser degree the Khorne Dogg rush) the Demon player uses several different spells, demonic gifts, and war gear options to create a multi-wound unit that has a 2+ re-roll able invulnerable save.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Yes, your breath does stink.  It’s probably from the Doritos and Mountain Dew you had for breakfast, tubby.  Anyways, there is now essentially a ‘god mode’ cheat available to Demon players.

Unfortunately, this is far from a recent phenomenon in our little niche hobby.   Think about the last tournament you attended.  How many players were sporting 2 to 3 Helldrakes or Riptides?  How many people had armies that were so new you could SMELL the primer on them?  As long as Games Workshop continues to create units with over powered abilities primarily to sell models we will have asshole players who gleefully choose to buy these models instead of paying their minimum credit card payments on their 23% interest Citibank credit card.  That’s a run on sentence.

This recently got me to thinking about how little respect I have for people who run these lists.  Now, I’m not talking about someone who has a Riptide here or a Helldrake there; I’m talking about the all out cheese dick lists that make you shake your head in disgust.  Much like the image of your parents having sex without a condom.  You’re welcome.  I truly have no respect for people who take these army lists to a tournament.  I used to think that list building was a large part of the game and we should stand in awe of these killer lists that demolish dicks on the table top.  Now?  Not so much.  How much skill does it take to realize that a 2+ re-roll able invulnerable save multi-wound unit or 3 Helldrakes that have a 360 degree flamer template that is strength 7 AP 3 is a good thing?  Why should we respect these people?  Because they can read?  Because they can break the game and give their opponent no chance to beat them?  Guess what?  I can put my fat ass in my Taekwondo dobok and beat the shit out of a 5 year old in the studio across the street, but was I better than that kid or was I physically bigger than them?  Would you feel good about winning a fight like that?  If so, congratulations on having Tau-Dar list.

When I was 10 I figured out the invincibility code for Doom and I beat the game a couple days later.  Sure, it was nice getting to the end of the game but it wasn't satisfying.  The cheat code had cheapened my experience.  I view these cheese ball lists the same way.  When 6th edition broke I played a game with my Grey Knights using Draigo and a unit of Paladins.  This was before the FAQ took away the Paladin’s ability to look out sir each other and all of their shots were precision.   The game was a slaughter.  The look on my opponent’s eyes as his entire army shot at this unit and couldn't take out a single model was enough for me.  I packed that unit away and never played it again.  I realized that I had unlocked the invincibility code.  I now have far more respect for players that can win tournaments with armies that do not take advantage of the latest hot shit.   Much like Mr. Glass searches for lone survivors in the movie Unbreakable, I scour the major tournament standings for players that win with generic lists.  Those are the truly good players.  Those are the ones to watch out for.

Thanks for reading.

RD

Whither a Grey Knight? FUCK YEAH

This weekend a local FLGS, Game Kastle, is hosting a 1750 point tournament.  Seeing as how I am currently working on no less than 4 armies, choosing an army to build was unsurprisingly difficult.  At the 11^th hour I decided on Grey Knights because hey, why not?  I’m a list builder, as in I spend my free time watching television with numerous codices surrounding me furiously writing and re-writing lists.  One list that I created recently was a pure Grey Knight codex that I believe has the tools to take on the gamut of powerful builds that I am likely to see at a tournament.  It has all of the qualities I look for when writing a list, and much like my sex life, is hard hitting and in your face! *(Don’t tell that one to my girlfriend)*

Before going into detail, THE LIST

Lord Kaldor Draigo –Duke of Cheese, King of Pain

Lord Draigo do what he do.  Makes the Paladins troop choices, overall bad-ass, you know the drill.  I like to use the Grand Strategy making d3 units Scouts, moving him and the Paladins closer as well as the Dreadknight.

Inquisitor Coteaz – ‘Re-Roll that, Please’

Everyone's favorite auto-include.  Give you Divination spells and a fun I've Been Expecting You attack.  Also, his Psyber-Eagle rocks way too much ass.  He also basically guarantees you wont get seized on which makes deployment a lot less stressful.

Paladin Squad (6) 2x Psycannon, Apothecary, Brobanner, Psybolt Ammo – Draigo’s Extra Wound Squad

2 wound terminators with Feel No Pain, 3 Base Attacks (Bro Banner), Psychic Bad ASSES. 8 twin linked strength 7 rending shots (that should be re-rolled with Coteaz' Prescience. These guys go to 11 with Draigo and Coteaz. 

Paladin Squad (1) Incinerator/Twin Linked – ‘Did I just deep strike onto your table quarter? LOL’

Late game grabber of objectives that's also the bane of hiding troop squads on said objectives.

Strike Squad (5) 3x Halberd, Psycannon, Psybolt Ammo – Warp Quakers

I like these little squads.  They can hold their own if drawn into combat (6 Init 6 power weapons attacks on the charge) but really shouldn't be getting into combat.  Decent shooting when sitting still (8 Strength 5 AP 5 shots and 4 Rending Strength 7 AP 4 shots).  When I go to 1850 these guys go to 10.

Storm Raven with Multi-Melta and Twin-Linked Lascannons, Extra Armor – Boom goes to Croissant

I have the model, 'nuff said.  One of the best fliers in the game, if on the expensive side.  The twin linked Lascannon and Multi-Melta will make short work of enemy fliers and enemy armor.

Dread Knight with Heavy Incinerator, Great Sword – DIE GARGOYLES, DIIEEEE

If I had the points I would give this guy the personal teleporter, but with Draigo's Grand Strategy handing out Scout and the threat range of the Heavy Incinerator, I can live without it.  2+ armor save with a toughness of 6 makes the dude hard to take down.  I like the Great Sword, with the ability to re-roll hits and wounds.

Vindicare Assassin – *Head Shot*

A guy that can literally take down anything, and with the recent FAQs making his shots un-look out bro-able, the Vindicare assassin is looking really good.  I plan on putting him on the quad gun, which will benefit from his precision shot.  If he intercepts with the quad gun, he can shoot his rifle during his turn.

Bastion with Quad Gun

Armor 14 is nothing to sneeze at and makes for a terrific firing platform for the Vindicare Assassin.  Some people say the Bastion cannot be target by the enemy, as it is unoccupied so is not an enemy unit.  I would subscribe to this newsletter, but cooler heads say that it CAN be targeted.  I'm sure there will be arguments for and against at some point.

So there it is.  The Vindicare sits on top of the bastion manning the quad gun.  If he uses the quad gun to intercept, he shoots his rifle from his VERY generous vantage point from the top of the bastion, which BTW, cannot be targeted by enemy attack as it is technically unoccupied.  Draigo and Coteaz do what they do, Storm Raven poop on you, and Dread Knight (hopefully with Scout from Draigo) gets me first blood.  Lone Paladin hopefully drops in late game and flames someone for the lols.  Big Paladin Squad rolls with Draigo/Coteaz and Strike Squad sits on an objective and unleashes warp quake.  Small and fierce, just like your mom likes it. 

Let me know what you think.  I’ll post Saturday night or Sunday morning with the results.