Warhammer 40k 7th Edition Inbound and Down!

In the past few days we've received mostly reliable information pointing towards a late May release date for a new Warhammer 40k edition.  I'll be the first to admit that a change was desperately needed.  GW really shot themselves in the foot with the 6th edition.  The ally system, while genius from an accounting point of view, has been terrible for actual game play.  The creators of the 6th edition either didn't play test the possible combinations that inevitably sprung up or didn't give a shit and only saw a way to sell models from different factions to players loyal to individual armies.  Its amazing how quickly tournament gamers were able to find and exploit the broken army combinations when GW could have just released a beta version of the rule set and saved themselves the expense of making a new edition a year and a half after releasing the 6th edition.  Who knew accountants and marketing teams could fuck up a complicated table top rule set so completely?  Further mucking up the 6th edition of Warhammer 40k is Games Workshop's insistence on retconning the shit out of their existing universe.  If a new player were to walk in to their Fat Local Game Store and pick up the 6th edition rule book and then looked on the shelved products they would wonder if they had fallen down the rabbit hole with Alice. What is an Astra Militarum?  WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MARBO GODDAMMIT!11!!

So now that we know a new and hopefully playable 40K edition will be here shortly, what kinds of things can GW do to bring some order back to game and stop forging a narrative all over our faces and chests?

• Do away with battle brothers.  This will most likely get a lot of flack from people who play Tau or Eldar, or rely on Inquisitors with silly tricks to bypass core rules.  The ally system was created by GW to sell more models.  They didn't play test it or move on from the preliminary idea that they would sell more models.  Get over it and you will live a much happier life.
• Let units assault out of transports.  If GW wants to sell models stop making (non-Necron) transports so useless.  Why can't models assault out of a transport if the vehicle didn't move that turn?  TELL ME WHY YOU COCKS.
• Change the cover rules for Monstrous Creatures.  We've all been there.  You score 3 or more wounds on a Wraithknight with Lascannons.  You triumphantly take a lap around the table, praising your chosen god for blessing you with such a bountiful gift.  Then Reece Robbins says 'not so fast!'  He has a toe in a crater, so he gets an obscured save.  He then rolls two 5's and a 6.  You quit playing 40k forever.
• Remove random charge distance.  I don't care what you say, it's not forging a narrative when your dedicated assault unit or Daemon Prince fails a 4" charge. That's stupid and it sucks ass when it happens.  Perhaps letting units either choose to make a regular charge or roll 2D6 on the chance they will be able to charge at a longer range?  HUH?
• Bring back owning player wound allocation.  Yes, this was abused in the 5th edition by Nobs and Nob Gobblers alike.  The nearest model takes the first wound has lead to much more abuse such as characters tanking wounds and makes a difficult assault edition even worse.  It also dramatically slows down the game with players taking more time making sure certain models are behind others and rolling dice one at a time while tanking wounds.
• Not let their marketing department write the rulebook.  Look, we all know that GW is a model company that just happens to have rules for the models they produce.  It's how they themselves feel about their company, and it's been well documented.  Its a fact since they became a publicly traded company GW has one person to answer to.  It's not the fans and it's not the customers- it's the shareholders.  What Warhammer 40k needs right not is not a new way to have the players buy slow moving product (i.e. Super Heavies in standard games) or to have them need to purchase large amounts of new product they already own (i.e Super Heavies in standard games).

What Games Workshop needs to really do is sit down and think about the longevity of their company. Every time a new edition is unveiled there is the normal doom and gloom with people leaving the hobby for greener pastures.  This is the first time that I have actually been scared that the majority of my friends would all leave.  The Warmachine nights are far more populated than 40k nights at my Fat Local Game Store, and there are now reports that Warmahorde players are outnumbering 40k players at major tournaments on the west coast.  I really think all need to put our collective hopes together and mentally FORCE Games Workshop from fucking their shit up for a 7th time in a row.

  

Not This Week in 40K

Hello all,

So after 6 weeks of turd pictures, swears, and more man on man prison rape jokes than you can shake a stick at I've come to the conclusion that there just isn't enough 40K material that I am interested in to write an article on the subject every week.  So instead of a weekly update on 40k I will be doing a monthly update on 40k.  I figure I can get at least 500 words for an article if I wait a whole month, right?  If not I'll just pad it with turd jokes, swears, and man on man prison rape jokes.

So while you all wait on baited breath for the end of the month, I'll satisfy your ravenous loins with a post about the upcoming Broadside Bash tournament in San Diego at the end of the month and the list that I will be taking.  The Broadside Bash, for the uninitiated, is a 2000 point tournament held every year at Kingdom Con in San Diego.  You can visit their website here.  The Broadside Bash uses custom missions which vary from year to year.  This year, unfortunately, they decided to go with majority Kill Point missions which encourage the use of the dreaded deathstar lists that are all the hotness at the moment.  They have also made the decision not to allow Super Heavies of any type, though I personally do not think that any of the current Super Heavies have what it takes to take out the Beast Star, Seer Council, or any of the other 'Stars' that we are seeing in the competitive meta (barring the Revenant Titan of course). The only thing that will keep this tournament from going full derp is the inclusion of the limited detachment rules that Reece and Frontline Gaming have implemented in their BAO formatted events (i.e only 2 total detachments may be taken in any list).  The Bash also allows Forgeworld 40k approved units, but limits abuse by not allowing players to take multiples of the same unit.

For the event I've decided to break out my Grey Knights with Imperial Guard allies.  I think the list has everything needed to compete with the lists most likely to be seen and, most importantly, is mostly painted.  Here's the list.

Grandmaster with Psycannon, Halberd, 3x Servo Skulls and Rad Grenades
Coteaz

6x Paladins with 2x Psycannons and the Brotherhood Banner

Strike Squad with Psycannon, 2x Halberds in a Razorback with Psybolt Ammo
Strike Squad with Psycannon, 2x Halberds in a Razorback with Psybolt Ammo

Land Raider Crusader with Multi Melta and Psybolt Ammo

Aegis Defense Line with Quad Gun

Company Command Squad with Lascannon and Vox
Platoon Command Squad with Autocannon and Vox

Infantry Squad with Autocannon, Flamer, and Melta Bomb 
Infantry Squad with Autocannon, Flamer, and Melta Bomb
Infantry Squad with Autocannon, Flamer, Melta Bomb and Vox
Commisar with Power Sword

Manticore

2000 points

I had to physically restrain myself from taking Psychotroke Grenades on the Grandmaster.  That was just a bit *too* good and combining that with the Rad Grenades made me feel dirty inside.  So, what do you think?  How can I make this list better?  Does it have what it takes to compete with 4 Riptide Buffmander lists, etc?

This Week in 40k: April Week 1

Howdy dudes!  Your favorite phat guy Rawdogger here again with another ‘This Week in 40k‘.  This week we saw the beginning of the pre-orders for the Astra Militarum, whatever the fuck that is, as well as the biggest 40k tournament this side of the Western Hemisphere, Adepticon.  I’ll give you a hint, Orks didn’t win.  LET’S HIT THIS SHIT!

Astra Militarum Pre-Release Dance Party is a Go!

LOL remember that time that Games Workshop completely changed the name of an iconic race in their super popular space wars game just so that other people couldn't use that iconic generic name for similar products?  That wasn’t a dream?  Is this real life?  Yes, unfortunately it’s not a joke that Games Workshop changed the name of Imperial Guard to Astra Militarum.  Does that mean Star Army?  I don’t know my Latin is pretty rusty.  Games Workshop is like a moody teenager sometimes.  First they give us Dino Bots ™ for the Chaos Space Marine codex to appeal to 12 year olds, then they change the name of the Imperial Guard to Astra Militarum to appeal to scientists and doctors.  Regardless of the name change, there are some other notable changes coming to the codex, if the rumors prove to be accurate.  Everyone’s favorite Rambo knock off is apparently gone from the codex.  He must have been too over powered.  But don’t lament, I’m sure we’ll be seeing Dataslate: Marco (digital only) pretty soon.  Only $15.99!  That’s pretty good!  Also it looks like there’s a new IG tank kit, the Hydra/Wyvern.  The Wyvern’s stats look pretty good.  2 twin linked blasts at strength 4 that ignore cover and have the shred special rule?  I’ll take 3!  The only downside is that they can’t fit under the Skyshield Landing Pad.  The Hydra became open topped, which kind of sucks, but they most likely got a point reduction.  Other things that are cool include order cards, Vendetta point increases (don’t you fucking kid yourself), and new Lord Commissar with Arabian sword and dancing pose.  Things that aren’t so cool include retarded Orgryn and Taurox models and keeping those shitty Space Marine sized plastic Cadian models.

Models missing from Games Workshop website.  Helldrakes unfortunately still available.

This past week we saw many popular models go missing from the Games Workshop website.  Models such as Inquisitor Coteaz and Chaos Obliterators come to mind  for me.  Conspiracy theories are quickly springing up, with some saying that since the missing models are all Fail Cost ™ that GW is moving these models to a new type of plastic and others saying that the missing models have something to do with the rumored website change happening on May 7th.  Shit is serious enough for Larry Vela from BOLS to write a loosely veiled Faeit212 bitch slap about the ridiculousness of conspiracy theorizing about the changes to GW’s website.  Whatever the hell is really going on over in La La Land (Nottingham) all we know is that very popular models from all ranges are missing and have not reappeared for several days.

NEWSFLASH! Adepticon 40k Tournament Champion Brings Cheesy List

In case you were wondering, Nick Nanavanowitz won the Adepticon 40k Championship for the second year in a row.  He one by bring a very balanced Chaos Daemon list with a couple of each unit and a Slaneesh Greater Daemon.  Just kidding, he brought a Fateweaver Flying Circus army backed up by a minimal Chaos Space Marine allied detachment with a Helldrake.  What, you didn't expect a seasoned 40k tournament vet to bring a list that would challenge him, would you?  KNAVE!  With a field of shitty Taudar, Eldtau, Dark Eltau, FKHahasjh, Jskhak, type lists flooding the Adepticon Championship I don’t blame the guy for taking a list that can hang.  It doesn’t really impress me though.  It’s like watching a small man getting raped in prison by a bigger man.  Yeah it’s fun to look at and talk about but the outcome is far from surprising.  Yes, I AM happy with that analogy.

See you next week, haters!